In matters of the heart, should you listen to your own thoughts and feelings? Or to those of your family or society? I am 4 feet 9 inches tall, immigrant from Korea. My husband, Richard, is 6 feet 3 inches tall, Caucasian American. We have a big age gap, too. When I first met my husband Richard at a singles dance in 1998, he owned no house, no car, had no stable job, no real savings, no medical insurance. He described himself as "confirmed bachelor." I was 35 with a new car, a full-time teaching job, substantial savings, and full medical benefits. Richard had never married and said he wouldn't because he didn't want to take on the responsibility, especially at his age (in his 50s). He was looking for a relationship with a woman to live together without marriage. I wanted marriage. I could have walked away. But somehow he and I seemed to fit well together even though we were from different cultures and different atmospheres (he is a foot-and-half taller). Our big age difference didn't matter to us. Richard said we got together because we were "two loners who made each other laugh." We dated for a year, while he occasionally reminded me firmly that he was not going to marry me. Ultimately, I didn't want to spend any more of my time with a man who didn't want to marry, so I said my final goodbye to him one evening over dinner. He happily surprised me by declaring, with tears in his eyes, "I can't let the nicest, sweetest woman I've ever known walk out of my life." He proposed right then and we bought an engagement ring within two weeks. However, my family didn't approve of our marriage because of Richard's race, his unstable income, and his age. My family told me, "It's a shame to our family if you marry him." They all refused to come to our wedding. Shortly after we became engaged, I dropped out of contact with my disapproving family. I ignored my family's judgment, knowing that Richard was more than what my family believed. In April 2000 we were married, standing under a tree on a hill overlooking the bay on Catalina Island, California. Three friends, but no family watched us read our personalized wedding vows. For his and my first-and-only marriage, we fearlessly said, "I do" to our future. We have been married for more than 6 years...happily. In matters of the heart, should you listen to your own thoughts and feelings? Or should you listen to those of your family or society? Would you like to share your romance story? |
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