We all are alone sometimes, but that does not mean feeling lonely; we can be alone and be perfectly happy, so what is it that makes us feel lonely and how can we make ourselves feel good? But also why do we feel lonely? I have worked with many clients who have experienced abuse in one form or the other in their lives and there is a common factor, which is in fact the feeling of loneliness they experience. And I have worked with many expatriates who experience the same feeling as well. And also people unhappy in their relationships or families experience the same. So, what is this feeling of loneliness that so many people experience? Loneliness is a feeling of inner void and feeling of loss, loss of someone and, in a way, loss of ourselves. It is a feeling of being a victim or being betrayed, or not in control of our lives. And of course the feeling of loneliness comes out at particular times, such as Christmas. And there is a common pattern, which is that when we feel lonely we tend to fill our lives with work and more work, or with Charity work. And we look forward that the Christmas holidays are over in order to start the same routine again. But between you and me, we know that this does not solve the situation, don't we? It is important to look into the eyes of the feeling of loneliness and the pain it causes and deal with it, otherwise it will come back again and again. Ok, what are the most important factors to feel good even if you are alone, and not to feel lonely? First of all you need to organize your life, you need to establish a sort of structure. It is a question of taking ownership and control of yourself and your life and deciding who you want to be and how you want to live your life. Then self-esteem is a very important factor, because self-esteem is what makes you feel good. You need to start liking yourself, respecting yourself, putting yourself first. Be yourself and give value to yourself. Develop a belief that you can create anything you want in your life, so if you want more friends, plan in advance for the kind of friends you want, for the kind of people you want in your life, and reach out for them. And also a belief that it is ok to be alone, that you simply organize your life. And once you are in control of your life and you feel good about yourself, you simply decide what you want to do. Copyright Piercarla Garusi 2006. All rights reserved. |
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