A "puddle" is the ultimate re-framing of a "bottomless pit" or a "dark hole" or an "abyss" or an "unfathomable chasm" or "deep yogurt" or an "empty void" or "in trouble" or -- well, you get the idea. "Moving through puddles" includes the concept of cycles, of life in constant change. We move through puddles more easily when we understand that everything is constantly moving and changing, including us! Feelings of joy when moving through puddles come with the realization of the magnificence of living in an ever-changing Universe. Bottomless Pit Syndrome
Folks often telephone to tell me they feel stuck or in a bottomless pit of something or other. I accept their perceptions and accompanying feelings as honest representations. And, I know that one of the reasons clients call me is so that I can see what they do not readily see and, in turn, assure them that something more hopeful than hopelessness is really happening for them or is possible. So, as I hear their stories, I survey their energy field to see how their perceptions are represented, catch the vision of their true desires, and envision them as already empowered. I also suggest that they speak their story briefly because I want to help to move them to where they want to be rather than keeping them in their current circumstances where they do not want to be. I honor their experiences without buying into their beliefs in insufficiency. If I collude with them in their limiting beliefs, I do not serve them. I am of no value to them if I join them in their bottomless pit or dark hole. Sometimes clients argue for their limitations -- trying to convince me how bad it is. My tolerance for interacting in such conversations is low. I listen deeply, compassionately, and quickly -- needing minimal details to be helpful -- then I suggest or facilitate empowering strategies. Sympathy is not one of my skills; compassion is, however. I am patient, yet my gentle impatience is usually more often a gift to my clients. Most of my regular clients know that I hear and understand their condition with few facts, so we move effortlessly from their succinct storytelling to strategies for empowerment. Envisioning clients moving through a puddle rather than colluding with them to strengthen the abyss is a gift I offer. My assisting them to see themselves moving through a puddle rather than an abyss is another benefit for them. I witness their process, lovingly. The Puddle Scenario
So here is the basic puddle scenario, a composite of multiple clients and client sessions. I call the client "Jim," just so we have a character. Jim feels feelings he has felt many times before. Once again, he has gotten himself into an untenable position with his boss. Last year, with his previous boss, a similar situation occurred. And, yes, he has experienced somewhat similar dynamics with co-workers and family and friends. He is angry. He is angry at himself and his boss. He sees two ways to respond: (1) quit and feel like a quitter or (2) stay and feel like a loser. To choose whether it feels better to be a loser than a quitter is not very empowering. Of course, you and I can see immediately, even with little data, that Jim has many more options than these two. However, Jim sees himself as a victim of circumstances, even though he is not typically a victim. Jim sees himself from inside a bottomless pit with two options, not in a puddle with many options. When you understand the idea of puddles, you view life as a series of experiences. Or a series of puddles. You know that the puddle is simply one experience that will be followed by others. This does not necessarily mean that you wait for the sun to evaporate the puddle, but that is one option. Enjoying making mud pies is another. Putting on your boots is another. Splashing gleefully in the water is another. Dancing in the puddle to the tune of "Singin' in the Rain" is still another. And there are many more options. See, already this is more fun than weighing the pros and cons of being a quitter or a loser. |
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