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When someone you know and/or love dies ____blanks______. Thats right, you have to fill in the blanks they leave open.

I know; not an easy, favorite or fun thing to discuss. However, this one fact of life affects all of us, sooner or later. It does seem to be a part of living. Some say death is the ultimate developmental task we face in this life, that all of your life is preparation for this final task.

If we knew there is life after death, it wouldnt be death. It would be a transition. Some people indeed do say it is a transition. Thats fine with me but its all guess work about what happens after a person stops breathing and the blood ceases to flow. Sure, our guesses or sometimes called beliefs, are there and if you cling to some of them, great. I hope they serve the purpose of softening the blow of the losses that death always brings regardless of your beliefs. Perhaps they help fill in the blanks.

You still have to fill in the blanks, one way or the other.

My father died last year. He was 93 years old. When will your father die, or has that already happened? What shall I do with the old pictures and traces of his life? How do I live, now that I am orphaned, my mother having died years ago? What shall the family do with their wedding rings? Their treasures? There are other questions:
*When someone you know and/or love dies,_______will you still remember their birthdays?
*When someone you know and/or love dies,_______do you speak of them at family or other social gatherings?
*When someone you know and/or love dies,_______ what do you do on the anniversaries of their death?
*When someone you know and/or love dies,________how do you replace what they did for you in your life?
*When someone you know and/or love dies,________how and for how long do you let yourself grieve?
*When someone you know and/or love dies,________do you remember that your time to die will surely come and leave this place called home?
*When someone you know and/or love dies,________will you accept that some blanks cannot be filled and will forever remain empty?

Dealing with the facts of life is not easy, especially the one fact of death. When its your turn to fill in blanks, be willing to accept all the help available to you. Face death as a practical reality and live life more fully, more authentically.

Paul Anderson

A licensed psychologist, Paul W. Anderson, Ph.D. has coached people in their careers, relationships and recovery aspirations for many years. From him, many have learned how to defy the odds and avoid relapse. Use his coaching skills to sustain your sobriety and live addiction free.