In todays world kids are constantly bombarded with the idea they need to say no. Say no to drugs, no to alcohol. Say no to bad ideas from friends that do not have your best interest at heart. Say no to strangers. And on and on it goes. This idea is so common that we frequently forget that saying no does not come naturally to most people. So, next time you are talking to your kids make sure they understand the three kinds of NO and how to say no effectively. By the way it probably is not a bad idea to review these things yourself so that the next time you say no, your kids not only get the message they get a role model. So here is what you need to tell your kids. There are three kinds of no used by most people. The Maybe I can be convinced to change my mind NO If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO! Saying NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake with a wet noodle. By saying NO in a non confident manner it will also make you feel as though you have got to convince the other person about your decision and the reasons why you have said it! Be confident when you speak and know why you are answering the way you are. The Get out of my face and never come back NO This is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO. It is done in an aggressive manner and usually said with contempt. It is not an effective way to communicate your NO. Here are a couple of examples: NO. Im not doing that. Youve got to be joking arent you? NO. I wouldnt lower myself to do that piece of work Be assertive but remember you are attempting to send a message not pick a fight. The Assertive I mean no - NO This is the best way to say NO! In a firm, yet polite voice say: No. I will not be able to do that for you Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet. No. I will not be able to do that for you. I will be having my guitar lesson at that time Beyond the word we use there are also other things that get your message across. Use effective body language. When saying NO, remember the power of non-verbal communications. Look the person in the eye when you say the NO. Shake your head at the same time as saying NO. Stand up tall. Use a firm tone in your voice. When all is said and done you must be in control of the message you want to deliver. Dont forget that when anyone asks a question of you, it is perfectly OK to say, Can I think about that and get back to you. No-one should be pressured into giving an immediate answer, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts. It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language. Now that we know how to do it, lets all get out there and Just say NO! |
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